Monday, July 22, 2013

South Park Top 5!!!!

Here they are, the Top 5 South Park episodes of all time, in my opinion of course.  I don't think I have ever come across one of these episodes and turned the channel.  I could watch them every night and never get tired of them.  Do you agree with the choices?  Let me know what you think. 


#5 Professor Chaos - Season 6
I personally wasn't a big fan of the Professor Chaos character, but the spoof on the Bachelor is what made this episode awesome.  Since Kenny "died" the boys needed a fourth friend.  They had 20 local boys tryout, a la the Bachelor.  Token, Timmy, Tweek, Jimmy, Towelie, and Pip made it into the final six.  Token won the talent contest by making his t-shirt look like a bra and danced, ha.  Jimmy got massive points because they got to skip ahead of everyone at the amusement park because Jimmy is crippled.  Jimmy then lost a lot of points because they had to shut down a ride because there was a cripple kid that needed assistance.  Towelie was eliminated because he's always too high to be counted on.  Timmy was eliminated because he's too self-centered, because all he says is Timmy.  Jimmy brought them a gift basket, he was eliminated for being a suck up.  Pip was eliminated because he asked where the tea and crumpets were at the baseball game.  So in the end, Tweek was the winner.  Watching Tweek stress out over every rose ceremony was another highlight.  I think he lasted about three episodes.  As for Professor Chaos, Butters did have some pretty funny pranks.  Switching peoples soups at Bennigans was my favorite, ha.

#4 Raisins - Season 7
Starts off with Bebe telling Stan that Wendy is breaking up with him.  Stan takes it hard, he cries in the rain.  Stan tries to get her back by having Jimmy talk to her for him.  Jimmy tries to tell Wendy that she is a continuing source of inspiration to Stan.  But Jimmy keeps stuttering and saying, Stan says you're a cunt..., Stan says you're a cunt.  HA.  Stan is down in the dumps so the gang decides to take him to Raisins to cheer him up.  Raisins is a knock off of Hooters.  The girls are all their age, and their names are Mercedes, Porsche, Ferrari, and Lexus.  The boys are all in love and Butters falls in love with Lexus because she shows him so much attention.  Her famous line is, Hey there cutie, which she says to every boy.  Stan thinks the only way to get Wendy back is to do something romantic.  So he stands outside her window and plays "Shock the Monkey".  She doesn't dig it, and she is actually in her room with Token.  Stan starts hanging out with the Goth kids who are all about non-conformity, but they get Stan to conform to their ways.  Butters parents meet his "girlfriend" at Raisins.  Butters mom says, Little girl, you shouldn't be working here.  But then Lexus is so dumb, Butters mom says, Well, maybe you should be working here.  When Butters is told by Lexus that they are not together, he cries.  He doesn't join the Goth kids because he says he'd rather be sad than hang out with faggy Goth kids.  Stan gets over it and calls Wendy a bitch and gives Token the finger, and says, Token, right here buddy. 

South Park

#3 Douche and Turd - Season 8
PETA has a problem with South Park having a cow as their mascot.  So the children get to pick a new mascot.  They think this is stupid and they try to be funny.  Cartman tries to get everyone to vote for the Turd Sandwich.  Kyle gets everyone to vote for the Giant Douche.  Those two win out and they have a pep rally for the students to see the new mascot contestants.  Every time I see Turd Sandwich come out to "Who Let the Dogs Out" I almost lose it.  And he has an olive on the sandwich, ha.  Giant Douche comes out to, "You All Ready for This?!?"  He then says, We like douches yes we do, we like douches how bout you??  Stan decides he doesn't want to vote.  He tells his parents at dinner and they are pissed at him.  But they end up getting pissed at each other because they can't agree on who should win, the douche or the turd.  Kyle gets Puff Daddy to come to South Park to convince Stan to vote.  Remember Puffy's Vote or Die Campaign,?  Ha.  The Vote or Die music video was beyond funny.  Favorite verse?  Shake them titties when you vote bitch.  Or maybe, You can't run from my .45 go ahead and try.  Or maybe, Vote or I'll slit your throat and you won't have a fucking voice.  Stan gets sent out of town for not voting.  The townspeople put him on a horse, spit on him, and force him to leave.  He makes it to a PETA compound where PETA gets pissed that he is riding a horse.  PETA lives like the animals, going to the bathroom on the ground and such.  One guy even mated with a llama.  PETA tells Stan that voting is always between a douche and a turd because those are the only people that suck up enough to make it that far in politics.  Puffy shows up and PETA throws a bucket of blood on his fur coat.  A shootout ensues, Stan escapes.  Stan votes for Turd Sandwich but it loses by a landslide.  Randy is proud of him for voting.  They then hear that PETA was murdered and they can keep the cow as their mascot.  Randy says, well, I guess your vote didn't count.

#2 Asspen - Season 6
This episode is great for so many reasons.  The music is spot on.  The parody of 80's movies is awesome.  Always stays on my DVR.  Definitely contemplated making it number one.  Starts off with the kids and their families going to Apsen  They get to go for free because the parents are sitting through a timeshare presentation.  Cartman gives Butters a "shitler".  When the ski instructor points it out, hilarious.  Hey little dude, you got some shit under your nose, ha.  The instructor shows the boys how to pizza and how to French fry.  Remember, if you French fry when you should pizza, you're gonna have a bad time.  Ike tries to ski and French fry's the whole way and flies into a building.  Subplot is that the parents keep getting roped into more meetings and can't get out.  The whole town is in on it, even the cops.  They threaten them and make the parents stay.  Tad, a local badass skier, taunts Stan and challenges him to a race because Stan stole his girlfriend, Heather.  Stan agrees to race, he loses as expected.  A girl invited Stan to the Aspen Youth Center.  They find out that Tad's dad is going to tear down the Youth Center.  The boys don't care.  Tad sings a song at the dance called, Stan Darsh.  He just keeps saying it until Stan flips out.  He challenges him to a rematch.  They agree that if Stan wins, they'll save the Youth Center.  They are going to race down The K13.  Some local tells them how no one survives the K13.  The boys try to talk Stan out of it, he says, He took Heather!!!!  So Stan practices and they have a montage.  The song is awesome.  Lines like, remind everyone of what's going on.  Always fade out in a montage.  If you fade out it looks like more time has passed, in a montage.  Tad is killing Stan in the race but he keeps setting up traps to slow down Stan.  Stan just ski's around them.  The nerdy girl from the Youth Center shows Tad her tits and distracts him.  Stan wins, he saves the Youth Center.  Heather wants Stan back, he doesn't care, he's never even met her.  The boys tell their parents Aspen sucks and they go back to South Park. 

#1 Guitar Queer-O - Season 11
The king of all South Park episodes.  The story is just perfect.  I watched it while writing this.  I had to cut out half of the stuff I wanted to write because there is just too much.  Episode starts out with Stan and Kyle playing Guitar Hero.  All the boys are there cheering them on.  Randy is confused because he can play the songs on a real guitar.  The boys don't care and think he is lame.  The boys break the 100K mark by playing "Carry on Wayward Son" by Kansas.  While playing, a guy shows up from Kincaid Talent Agency, he signs them to a contract.  One of the best lines is when the agent plays the song for his boss.  The boss says, That's these boys?  The agent says, No, but these boys scored 100,000 points, on expert level, in co-op mode.  Boss says, That's pretty God damned impressive.  They boys go to a sex and coke party in Denver.  Local celebrities are there including Jay Cutler.  Stan says, My dad says you kinda suck but you might be good someday.  Jay says thanks.  The host tells them that there is plenty of coke and sex in the house.  Stan and Kyle realize that they have finally made it in life.  The agent tells Stan that he can make 1 million points, but needs to lose Kyle.  He hooks up with Thad Jarvis, a brilliant Guitar Hero player.  He can play without the music and the game, just the guitar.  Kyle gets pissed and breaks it off with Stan.  He plays at a bowling alley called Mick's Lanes.  He plays songs like Every Rose has it's Thorn.  Mick gives him free Fresca's to play there.  Stan is stressed out about playing in front of people to try to break 1 one million points.  He starts to play a new game called Heroin Hero.  He gets hooked and stays up all night trying to catch the dragon.  Thad quits and Stan bombs at the show.  The agent yells, Listen to that video crowd, they hate you!!!  Stan wants another game, the store clerk offers him Rehab Hero, ha.  He decides on a driving game.  While driving he listens to the radio and the host talks about how some local boys use to play Guitar Hero to this song by Kansas, what ever happened to those boys.  To me, the best part is when Stan stops his car in the game, ponders, and then looks over his shoulder and drives backwards like he is going back to Kyle, ha.  He goes to the alley and gets Kyle back.  They play and score one million points.  The game says, You have played enough to score 1 million points, YOU....ARE.....FAGS!!!!

I read that this episode had over 4 million viewers and was the most watched South Park at that time.  But they got a lot of bad reviews.  Who in the hell would give that episode bad reviews?  US Weekly?

Thanks for reading.  Any suggestions for the next list?


Friday, July 19, 2013

Top South Park Episodes 10-6

Here we go, we've reached the Top 10.  These are obviously classics that you can't turn off if you run into them on the tv some night. 

#10 The Tooth Fairy Tats 2000 - Season 4
Great plot line on this one.  Cartman loses a tooth and gets two bucks.  The boys try to get enough money to buy a Sega Dreamcast so they start stealing teeth.  Cartman's mom calls the dentist because she finds it unusual that he has lost 112 teeth.  Kyle is really torn up that his parents lied to him and the Tooth Fairy isn't real, he starts to question his own existence.  The boys get busted by Loogie, an Italian that runs the tooth trade.  He and his cronies get teeth from the graveyard, the morgue, and hockey games.  They put the teeth under the pillow, put a note on the parents door, and then come back later to collect the money.  Loogie is a kid, hilarious.  The boys decide to join Loogie since he threatened to cut off their penises.  Loogie tries to kill Kenny since the boys break off and start their own tooth trade.  They throw Kenny in the lake with concrete blocks tied to his feet, but the lake is only about a foot deep.  Both groups get busted when the American Dental Association announces that they are going to give a dying kid $600.00 for his lost tooth to help pay for his bone marrow transplant.  It was a setup.

#9 Scott Tenorman Must Die - Season 5
Starts off with Cartman bragging that he is the first to get pubes.  Turns out he bought them from Scott Tenorman.  He tries to get his money back and Scott tricks him out of more money.  Cartman plots revenge and tries to teach a pony how to bite off Scott's weiner.  Bite it pony, bite it, ha.  Cartman dubs a tape from Scott's favorite band Radiohead, saying how much they hate Scott.  Scott then plays a tape of Cartman singing like a little piggy.  Cartman is outraged and plans to get Radiohead to South Park and have Scott's penis bitten off in front of them for total humiliation.  The humiliation will take place at a chili cookoff, ha.  Stan and Kyle tell Scott about the plan so his parents go to adopt the pony from a farm to ruin Cartman's plan.  Scott makes a chili that has pubes from all the boys in South Park to feed to Cartman.  So the chili cookoff starts.  This is where it gets good.  Cartman is just devouring Scott's chili, everyone is laughing.  When Scott is about to tell Cartman about the ingredients, Cartman stops him and says he already knew.  He switched it with Chef's chili.  Cartman explains how he knew that Stan and Kyle would tell Scott of his pony plan.  Cartman reveals that his actually plan was to have the owner of the pony, shoot and kill Scott's parents when they went to get the pony.  While the owner was busy with the cops, Cartman stole the bodies, chopped them up and put them in the very chili Scott was eating.  Scott begins crying hysterically as he finds a finger in his chili, Cartman runs over and licks his tears.  Radiohead shows up and calls Scott a crybaby, which makes it even worse.  Horrified, Stan and Kyle vow to never piss off Cartman again.

#8 Something You Can Do With Your Finger - Season 4
Also titled, Fingerbang.  Cartman has a dream that they start a boy band and make 10 million dollars.  Thinking that this is a sign from God, he gets the boys to start a band.  They realize they need a fifth member.  They have auditions but no one is good except for Wendy.  Cartman doesn't want to let her in because you can't have a girl, and everyone will know she is a girl because of her huge freaking hooters.  Best part is when Stan asks, what does fingerbang mean?  Cartman says it's when you take your finger and make it look like a gun.  Kenny says, no, it's when you stick your finger inside a girls vagina.  The boys all think this is the grossest thing ever and Stan says, who in the hell would want to do that?  When Randy Marsh learns of the boy band, he loses it.  Turns out Randy was once in a boy band, but they didn't stay relevant because they got too old and he had to go back to South Park, shamed. When they arrive at the mall for their gig, Kenny is killed by an elevator so Randy has to join them.  They play at the mall and once everyone starts asking for autographs, they realize that their lives will change and decide to break up the band.  A good subplot is the boys trying to avoid the mall cops.  Here is the best line of the song sung by Cartman. "Girl you know that you're the only girl for me, girl, girl you're the girl of my fantasies, girlllll..........FINGERBANG!!!!

#7 Christian Rock Hard - Season 7
The boys breakup their band they call, Moop.  Cartman and Kyle make a bet that each other can make a platinum album before the other.  Stan, Kyle, and Kenny start downloading music illegally to find their direction.  Celebrity artists are furious and the kids are shown that by downloading music, the artists can't get the things they love, like expensive aquariums and G5's.  Skylers band is part of this group, remember Sklyer?  Cartman realizes how successful Christian bands are so he gets Butters and Token to join him.  Token says he can't play the bass, but Cartman insists that he can because he's black.  And of course, he can, ha.  Cartman takes normal songs and changes words like baby and honey, to Jesus.  Some songs get a little passionate and the Christian fans question that he may "love" Jesus a little too much, but Cartman works his way out of that one.  Cartman makes an album cover, which is hilarious in itself.  Faith + 1 is their name, they make a million dollars and Cartman spends every dollar to throw a party to receive his platinum album.  At the party, they realize you can only win Gold, Frankincence. and Myrrh albums.  Cartman is furious that he can't win his platinum album and starts cursing Jesus.  The fans are horrified.  Token beats up Cartman because he spent all their winnings.  Butters farts in Cartman's face, gives him the finger and says Fuck You Eric. 

#6 Make Love, Not Warcraft - Season 10
The boys joined World of Warcraft and are killed by a guy that has played this game every hour since it was released almost two years ago, he is unbeatable.  Randy joins too and he is killed immediately.  The part that makes this episode hilarious is the voice of the boys on the game characters.  Little things like when Clyde's guy is just moving around doing nothing, because he is looking at a Playboy magazine.  The gang decides that to kill this guy they need to play nonstop to get as many points as possible to launch an attack. So they play 21 hours a day for two months.  They get really fat, they eat hot pockets, Cartmans mom at one point brings a pan for Cartman to go to the bathroom in.  The montage song is one of the best songs ever on South Park.  Goes something like, Live to win, til you die, see the fire in your eye.  The owners of the game realize what is happening and they give the boys the Sword of a Thousand Truths to help them take out the dude.  The boys are already in battle so the owners give the sword to Randy's character to bring to the boys.  He logs on at a Best Buy and gets the sword to the boys as he is killed.  The boys defeat the griefer and all of the World of Warcraft characters celebrate.  Someone asks, well what do we do now?  Are you kidding, we can finally play the game now.  So they go on playing.


Thanks for reading....


Tuesday, July 16, 2013

Top South Park Episodes 15-11

Second installment of my Top 25 South Park episodes of all time.  Tough for these to not make the top 10, but the top 15 is still a great accomplishment.  Let's relive these episodes...

#15 Free Willzyx - Season 9
Kyle talks to a whale at Sea Park.  The whale talks back and says he wants to see his family on the moon.  Kyle gets the others and they talk to Jambu also.  The show announcers are the ones behind it, and their laughter makes it that much more funny.  It WAS funny, the one guy says.  The boys try to get someone to fly Willzyx to the moon, but everyone is too expensive except the Mexican Space Administration.  They only charge $200.00 for the flight.  The one Mexican saying, Si, fly, is the highlight of the episode.  The boys eventually steal the whale and get him shot to the moon.  The last scene is a picture of Willzyx lying on the moon, dead.

#14 Red Sleigh Down - Season 6
Christmas episode.  Cartman has to do something great so he can get gifts, he realizes he's pretty far in the negative.  The boys get Santa to fly to Iraq to bring them Christmas cheer.  Santa's sleigh is shot down and the reindeer are dead, Santa's legs are broken and he is taken hostage by the Iraqi's.  Anyone remember the reindeers names?  How could you forget them? Steven, Fluffy, Horace, Chantel, Skippy, Rainbow, Patches, and Montel.  How hard did the makers laugh when coming up with those names?  So the boys go to Iraq to save Santa and they bring Jesus with them.  Jesus gets there and just starts gunning down fools.  The best line is when Jesus gets there and says, there's something you don't know about me, I'm packing...HA.  They are about to leave when Jesus gets gunned down and dies.  Stan says, This is pretty fucked up right here.  Who can forget the other subplot of this episode?  Jimmy sings a song in front of the whole town.  He sings "12 Days of Christmas", with his stutter, takes hours, ha.

#13 Cancelled - Season 7
Episode starts off like a repeat, the kids realize everything is deja vu.  They realize Cartman needs to set off his anal probe.  He says the only way he'll allow it is if Kyle sticks his finger in his ass.  Cartman farts about ten times before he finally just sticks it in.  Aliens show up and abduct the gang.  They show up on the ship and are told that they are in a reality show called Earth.  The alien that tells them, can change into different forms.  The kids decide he should be a taco that craps ice cream.  The shows premise is to put different species all together, like Asians, bears, ducks, Jews, deer, and Hispanics.  When the locals are told that their existence is just one big reality show they all get pumped yelling, WE'RE ON TV!!  The aliens decide to cancel the show since it won't be good now that everyone knows.  The boys plead to the "Joozians" that the show should stay on.  The Joozians take the boys out and do cocaine, get a hooker, and suck each others jagons.  Since Kenny has a pic of this for blackmale, the Joozians decide to not destory Earth.

#12 Krazy Kripples - Season 7
Jimmy and Timmy decide to start their own group called the Crips.  They say it's for people who are cripped at birth, unlike stupid Christopher Reeve.  They hear that there is already a group called the Crips and they want to join them.  The rest of the kids say, I think we will just stay out of this one.  Jimmy and Timmy are told to pop some punk ass bloods to join the gang.  They go to get treats for them and cause a semi to wreck into a gas station and kill 13 bloods.  They are welcomed in and get glossed the names Four Legs and Roller.  After the bloods do a drive by on Jimmy's house, Jimmy sets up a lock-in at the Rec Center for the Bloods and Crips, and says, I mean cmon.  They all get along.  Best part is when the one Crip walks away with a strut/limp and Jimmy says, boy, these guys really are crippled.

#11 Towelie - Season 5
The kids play their new Okama Gamesphere all day, but every time they mention anything about water, a towel appears to tell them they should always keep a towel handy.  And then asks them if they want to get high.  The boys go to school and a man asks them if they have seen a talking towel.  They say yes and the man speeds away.  They realize their Gamesphere has been stolen and they are told to bring the towel to the gas station.  They do and an ambush occurs, the boys and Towelie escape.  There is a commercial of Towelie merchandise, ha.  Was that real?  I don't think I ever figured that out.  Tynacorp and the military keep trying to play the boys against the other, but the boys just don't care.  When they try to get into Tynacorp Towelie has to punch in the password.  He just keeps hitting buttons.  Is that it?  No, that's the melody to Funkytown, he says.  When they finally get their Gamesphere back, Cartman says to Towelie, You really are the worst character ever, ha.  Towelie's best quote was, I have no idea what's going on right now.  Another great part is where one of the Tynacorp guys is explaining Towelie.  He said if these towels go wrong, they could make you too dry. Do you know what it is like to feel way too dry?  Well I don't know, and I don't want to know.


Thanks for reading...


Sunday, July 14, 2013

Top 25 South Park Episodes of All Time

I was thinking the other day, let's do a list of something fun, something that would have a sweet top ten.  I was flipping through the channels and South Park was on.  Perfect.  I thought to myself, ok I'm going to write down my top ten favorite South Park episodes.  I had a few running through my head that I knew had to be included.  Hoping to jog my memory I went to wikipedia for an episode list.  Uh oh, way more than ten favorites.  I had to settle on 25 of the most memorable episodes of one of my favorite shows of all time.  One blog post would be too long so this first installment will just be 25 thru 16.  So, without further ado, here they are, with some funny moments and quotes from each.  Let me know what you think.  Enjoy. 


#25 Two Guys Naked in a Hot Tub - Season 3
Ridiculous plot.  Everyone is at a meteor shower party getting smashed.  Stan and Kyle's dad are in the hot tub together and decide to get naked.  Stan is there with a bunch of melvins and makes them find him a way out of the house.  The cops almost blow up the place because they think they are a religious cult.  Pip saves the day by becoming a reporter and telling the cops that they are not a cult.

File:South Park Hot Tub.jpg

#24 Helen Keller - The Musical - Season 4
It's the "Thanksgiving Extravanganza" and the fourth graders have to make a play.  They try to come up with a great show because Butters keeps reporting how great the Kindergarteners play is.  The turkeys are shown a beautiful scene before they are beheaded.  Gobbles survives because his head drags on the ground.  The stuck up, actress turkey gets killed.  The song, water Hellen, water, is awesome.

#23 The Jeffersons - Season 8
Jokes on Michael Jackson in this one.  Cartman falls in love with him.  The part where they almost kiss is classic.  Blanket rips off Michael's nose.  The cops try to frame Michael Jackson but they realize he's white so they stop.  They only frame rich black people.

#22 Here Comes the Neighborhood - Season 5
Rich people move to South Park.  They are actually black people.  Kobe, Will Smith, Oprah, and others.  The locals try to get them leave.  They ridicule them by making them sit at the front of the bus because it's the first class section.  They burn lower case T's in the rich peoples yards which stands for: Time to Leave.  Mr. Garrison says, what are rich people scared of?  Ghosts.  So they run around the town with sheets over their heads which looks like the KKK.  Rich people eventually leave.

#21 You Got F'd in the A - Season 8
The gang gets served by some inner city kids.  They try to serve them back but Stan's dance to Achy Breaky Heart just doesn't quite get it done.  He creates his own group with a goth kid, a dancer from the arcade, and a Raisins employee.  They need a fifth dancer but Butters refuses.  Turns out Butters use to be a dancer and his shoe flew off and killed a bunch of people, so now he is against it. Instead they get Jeffy the Duck to join the crew but Jeffy sprains his ankle.  So Butters joins and it happens again.

#20 Imagination Land (All 3 Parts) - Season 11
Brilliant story.  Three episodes made up the story.  Good imaginery dreams against evil imaginery dreams.  Kyle almost has to suck Cartman's balls.  Too many jokes, too long to explain.

#19 Night of the Living Homeless - Season 11
Parody of Night of the Living Dead.  Instead of the people being zombies, they are homeless, and instead of them asking for brains, they want change.  They get stranded on the top of a building and run out of food except for Blueberry pop tarts, Randy won't eat blueberry pop tarts.  Gerald goes looking for the bus and he forgets his money, he starts asking for change, Randy claims Gerald has become one of them.  Cartman jumps homeless people on his skateboard.  The song "Super Cool to the Homeless" will never be forgotten.


#18 W.T.F -  Season 13
Parody of the WWE.  The kids make their own Federation.  The storylines are ridiculous but all the redneck locals totally believe it.  Kyle is Juggernaut, he says he always runs away from his problems and responsibilities, some redneck holds up a sign that reads: STOP RUNNING JUGGERNAUT.  The school wrestling coach tells everyone that this isn't wrestling, it's not real.  One of the rednecks tells him, there's a little girl out there that has had 14 abortions by the age of 7, are you telling me that's not real?  Ha, Cartman was the little girl, that was his character.

#17 Super Best Friends - Season 5
Jesus gets the Super Best Friends to gather to stop David Blaine.  The group includes Muhammad, Buddha, Moses, Joseph Smith, Krishna, Laozi, and Sea Man.  Cartman tries to get people to commit suicide by drowning themselves in a lake.  But the lake is only a foot deep.  David Blaine gets the Abraham Lincoln statue in DC to come alive.  The Best Friends stop him by creating a giant stone John Wilkes Booth to shoot Abe.  They keep making fun of Seaman by calling him semen.

#16 Ginger Kids - Season 9
Kids with red hair, pale skin, and freckles are called Ginger Kids.  They have no souls.  They taunt you at night.  Cartman makes fun of them and doesn't let them eat lunch in the lunchroom.  The gang gives Cartman a make over in the middle of the night and makes him a Ginger.  Cartman rallies the gingers and has them capture Stan and Kyle.  While Cartman is giving a rally speech to the gingers, a guy walks in and asks if they are doing good.  Do you kids need more lava?  Thanks for staying at the Airport Hilton, ha.  Cartman is told he isn't really a ginger, he calls off the rally.


Thanks for reading...


Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Ok it's time....

We can panic now.  When you get shut out on three hits by Wily Peralta, it's on. 

freaking out photo: Freaking Out freaking_out.gif

0-7 road trip will end the season.  I hope it doesn't happen, but why do I feel like it's not that much of a longshot?  Cmon Reds, turn it around.


Monday, July 8, 2013

Reds Thoughts July 8

Some thoughts and observations from tonight's titanic struggle...

1. Brandon Phillips is so freaking slow.  How does he not score on that deep single by Bruce in the first?  He's stealing on the pitch, the ball lands in the gap, and he's not even close to scoring.  If Mesoraco and Leake are starting, I bet you Phillips would finish dead last in a team sprint.  I feel very confident in that bet.

2. Frazier has become one of the easiest outs in baseball.  He showed it again by rolling over on a low and away pitch and grounding out to short, for the 100th time on the year.

3. Bad throw to second by Mesoraco, but Phillips has to do more than that.  He HAS to knock that down no matter what.

4. I'm pretty sure Logan Schafer's walkup song is Return of the Mack, sweet.

5. Choo is becoming mayor of Weakassgrounder City.

6. If I hear one more Reds announcer talk about how "professional" the Cardinals hitters are I think I'm going to vomit.

7. Great catch by Heisey in left tonight.  He's starting to look healthy.  I think he'll play well because he has to play with a sense of urgency.  He knows he lost a good opportunity to earn a starting spot, and he he needs to do something or he'll never get another chance again, not with the Reds.

8. Mesoraco really gutting it out tonight.  If you've ever had back spasms, you know how much it would suck to be him right now.

9. Another brain lapse by Votto tonight.  How in the world do you cut that ball off by Bruce?  If Schafer doesn't stop, Votto looks like a complete idiot right now.  Wouldn't be the first time this year.

10. The Reds are in trouble people.  I'm not in panic mode just yet, but I'm about to push the button.  If they put together a 2-5 road trip here, lookout.

Sorry to be so negative tonight, but there just weren't many positives.

Til next time...


Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Thoughts and Videos 7/3

I didn't make it to the game tonight.  And you know what, I'm glad I didn't, except for the fact that we would have received free pizza.  That was a marathon game that I'm not so sure I would have wanted to sit through.  How many pissed off parents were there at that game?  MOM!!!! WHERE ARE THE FIREWORKS?!?!?!?!  DAD, I WANNA GO HOME!!!!!  Ha, poor people.  Bottom line though, sweep tomorrow, on a roll.
Quick Bullet Thoughts....
- As a somewhat Lakers fan, I pray Dwight Howard doesn't stay.  He is a coward.  He doesn't make his team better.  I love when they show highlights on ESPN, all they show is him throwing down uncontested dunks.  Wow, real impressive.
- Tebow couldn't get Hernandez to see the light?  He was a lost cause from the beginning.
- I know I'm in the minority on this one, but I am not a fan of Brad Stevens.  In fact, I openly root against him.  In my eyes he's a smug, arrogant jerk.  He thinks his shit don't stink.  I hated the way Butler fans act towards him and I hate the way he just eats it up.  Ya, he had a good run, but if Butler doesn't get a bailout foul in Round 1 two years ago, they don't even get out of Round 1 and we are calling him a flash in the pan, not a hero.  To see some tweets from College Basketball writers saying this is a huge loss for the game and that the game will never be the same makes me want to puke.  He was a good coach, I think the game will survive.  He'll be back at Butler by 2020, mark my words.
- This is one of my favorite videos.  Tosh is actually pretty damn athletic, and the commentator makes the video what it is.
My dog putting her life at risk, ha.  

Now she is almost hitting her head on the ceiling.  Get a grip dog!

Til next time...

Tuesday, July 2, 2013


I think it's safe to say that Homer Bailey has the best stuff on this Reds team.  His fastball is explosive, his slider snaps at the end and his splitter just falls off the table.  When he keeps the ball down and hits his spots he is unhittable.  Tonight, everything was working and he was indeed, unhittable.  I only got to watch the first three innings and then a couple hitters in the ninth, but I think I got to see enough.  Giants hitters had no chance.  This outing reminded me of Game 3 of the playoffs last year where Homer only gave up one hit to this same team in 7 innings. 

Pirates and Cardinals both go down so the Reds gain a game on both.  Suddenly it feels like this team is going to turn the corner and go on a streak.  This is the reason why I love baseball, you have a game everyday, so no matter how bad or good it seems at the time, only two days later the season could have a whole different feel.  Where will the Reds be at the end of this homestand?  I think they'll be feeling good.  Need to take three of the next five at least, preferably four of the next five. 

Cingrani on the hill Wednesday night, we'll be in attendance.  Last year my wife and I received free pizza in 12 of our 25 games, this year, 0 for 5.  Can't ask for a better opportunity than tomorrow night with Cingrani on the mound and this pathetic Giants offense.  We'll see I guess.  Oh, and fireworks night, sweet.


Glad to see the PGA enforcing the ban of the anchored putter.  It just isn't legal, and it shouldn't be.  The club is meant to be swung by the player, not anchored against their body.  Holding a putter and swinging it under immense pressure is super hard.  If you can lean it against your body it takes some pressure away and keeps you from shaking when nervous.  To me, it's just not fair.  Looks like most players agree, but some don't.  I think the PGA made a good decision to not enforce this for a few years, let these other guys ween themselves off of this fad. 

Softball team lost tonight.  Came back from a 7-0 deficit, but gave up two in the last and lost via the walkoff.  2-1 on the session.  We'll get this team again.

Til next time....



Monday, July 1, 2013

Reds Thoughts 7/1

So how do I feel about where the Reds currently are in 2013?  Well, I feel about the same way I thought I would feel, calm but worried.  I knew that this feeling would last all year.  It's tough to be a fan of a team with the highest of expectations.  If the Reds win it all, they were suppose to, if they lose, then they are failures.  I'm not going to say winning a World Series wouldn't be one of the coolest things ever as a fan, but there will be some people out there that will say they were suppose to win it, which takes a little of the excitement away.  We're only halfway and if the season ended right now, the Reds would be in the playoffs.  Not where they want to be, being 5.5 games out of first, but the playoffs is where they need to be, so it's not a failure as of now.  Some observations on a few players at this point in the season...

JOEY VOTTO - This guy is three things.  A great baseball player, a tough competitor, and a freaking headcase.  Never seen such a good hitter look so stupid at the plate at times.  Granted it's not that often, but he sometimes mindfucks himself out of an entire at bat.  Thinks too much.  Every fan has one player he rides when they are frustrated, Votto's my guy, he aggravates me.

JAY BRUCE - Early in the year you could tell he was trying to go opposite field a lot.  That's what people have been telling him to do for years, and by people, I mean fans.  Well, he did, but that obviously took away his power numbers.  He's pulling the ball again and he's hitting bombs and doubles.  So ya, hitting to all fields isn't always the answer, especially in a small park like GABP.

BRANDON PHILLIPS - Driving in runs like a champ, playing D like a champ, but you can't be missing games on the paternity list, ha.

MAT LATOS - Ace, love the guy.  He is a badass.  He rubbed me the wrong way a little last year, thought he was just a cocky selfish dude.  But now, I can tell he's just a competitor and wants to win.  He's always pumping up his teammates.  He's the kind of guy that if he was a Cardinal I would hate him like no other, but he's not, so I'm glad he's a Red.

TODD FRAZIER - Been saying it since early last year, this dude is not the answer.  Seems like a cool guy and a team player, but he has the biggest hole in a swing I've ever seen.  He CANNOT hit the outside curve.  He's lunging so bad that his helmet almost falls.  He is trying so hard to make contact with it that he is just rolling over into double plays every chance he gets.  He plays a good third and he hits mistake pitches so he'll have a career, I just don't think he'll be the Reds answer at third for the future, not even close. 

47-36 with a nice win tonight.  Great start by Arroyo.  Could this be the game that gets the bats kick started?  Maybe, the Giants are struggling, so this is about as good of a chance as ever.  Bailey tomorrow, he needs to get it going, I think he will.

Til next time, thanks for reading.

P.S.  We'll try to post something the rest of the way, this is going to be a fun ride.